#1 - A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."
Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."
#2 - How do you get 100 Canadians out of a swimming pool on the hottest day of the summer? Just yell "Ok now, everyone out of the pool!"
#3 - A rather large lady had saved her money for a long time to be able to afford a cruise on a ship to the Bahama's.
When she gets settled in her cabin she goes to the dining room for her first meal on board, and is invited to sit at the Captain's table.
As she is seated at the table a mimmicking voice behind her loudly squawks, "Aawwk, Lady! How's your hole?"
Totally embarrassed, she turns to see a parrot on his perch behind her. She says to the steward, "Will you "Please" get rid of that foul mouthed beast?"
The steward replies, "I can't madam, that is the Captains parrot, which he dearly loves."
As the meal progresses to its end the bird continues to harrass the lady with his loud squawks, "Aawwk, Lady! How's your hole?"
The embarrassed woman finally retires to her cabin and goes into a restless sleep.
In the middle of the night the ship sinks rather suddenly and the lady finds herself floating in the ocean on a chest. As daylight breaks the next morning the lady hears this loud squawk behind her, "Aawwk, Lady! How's your Hole?"
The lady turns around to see the parrot floating on some debris and she replies, "Aah, Shut Up!"
#4 - How Many American Tourists Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?
Fifteen.
Five to figure out how much the bulb costs in the local currency, four to comment on "how funny-looking" local lightbulbs are, three to hire a local person to change the bulb, two to take pictures, and one to buy postcards in case the pictures don't come out.
#5 - Fred sees an old Abo walking down the road, apparently oblivious to the fact that he's wearing only one thong.
"Hey, Jackie" calls out Fred, "You've lost a thong!".
"Nah, mate" says the old Abo, "I've just found one".
#6 - Santa : "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
His wife Jasmeet : "Honey, I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
#7 - Santa : "When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares answer her."
Banta : "And when you are angry, what do you do?"
Santa : "I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and none of them dares to answer back.
#8 - Q. Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier Architecture ?
A. Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and auto rickshaws will have 3 tyres.
Q. I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server? Which methodology will follow?
A. Send it through courier.
Q. Can I modify an object in CORBA?
A. As you wish , I do not have any objections.
#9 - Banta : I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife Preeto that I'd be home tonight, and when I got into my room I found Preeto in another man's arms.
Santa : kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, she didn't get the fax."
#10 - Sardar starts shouting in a store......
where is my free gift with this oil?
Shopkeeper : there is nothing free with this
Sardar: it is written CHOLESTEROL FREE.
#11 - Sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat.
His friend asks him "What Sardarji? Are you afraid of the cinema?"
Sardarji replies "I am an intelligent man, I know it is a movie, but does that animal know?"
#12 - Banta and and son went fishing one day. Sitting in the boat for a couple of hours gave them not much to do, so the son started thinking about the world around him. He began to get curious so he asked his father some questions.
“How does this boat float?”
Banta thought for a moment, then replied, “Don’t rightly know, son.”
The boy returned to his contemplation, but soon came up with another one, “How do fish breath underwater?”
Once again Banta replied, “Don’t rightly know, son.”
A little later the boy asked Banta, “Why is the sky blue?”
Again, Banta replied, “Don’t rightly know, son.”
Worried he was going to annoy his father, he said, “Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?”
Banta immediately assured him, “Of course not, son. If you don’t ask questions, you’ll never learn anything!”
#13 - A Sardar was cutting side of capsule before taking it.
His Friend asked him why are you doing so ?
He replied :-"TO AVOID SIDE EFFECTS"....!!
#14 - Santa: I have swallowed a Key.
Doctor: When?
Santa: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.
#15 - Four University graduates were to be interviewed for a prestigious job.. One common question was asked to all 4 of them.
INTERVIEWER: WHICH IS THE FASTEST THING IN THE WORLD?
YALE guy: Its light, Nothing can travel faster than light
HARVARD Guy: It's the Thought; because thought is so fast it comes instantly in your mind.
MIT guy: Its Blink, you can blink and its hard to realize you blinked
SANTA SINGH: Its Loose motion
INTERVIEWER: (Shocked to hear Santa's reply, asked) "WHY"?
SANTA SINGH: Last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got the worst stomach cramps, and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON
THE LIGHTS, it was over!!!!
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